First off, I am not good at English, however I do recognise I am a child of God and he has given me the gift of being able to laugh during really adverse situations that have happened in my life which may come across is disturbing to other people.
A little bit about me:
I was brought up in a normal dysfunctional family, filled with fear and fast survival, my home life was of physical emotional mental neglect. Then at the age of 9 and again at 11, sexual abuse from a person that was introduced into the family home. My school life was not that much better with bullying which as you can imagine also impacted my mental health and emotions
For me my life was normal, I then continued with a career of abusing myself with drugs , alcohol and sexually. I was able to work for most part of my life until it came to a stage where it became impossible and then God said hello though an incredible little church where they supported me going through a 12 step rehab.
I spent a while being clean and sober, until I made that decision to introduce substances back into my life, which impacted my mental health drastically. When I think back on my life a lot of things have happened to me and also what I have personally done, may make other peoples toes curl and wonder how such a person is still living, I still do need to come to terms with some of these and heal mentally and emotionally with the love of God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit. I have an amazing loving support network with God has given me.
A little bit about the course/ book:
I didn’t know what to expect from the book when I first began, this book came at the right time, which showed me that Jesus has my life covered, and had always loved & protected right from birth.
It was good to have some insight to the author, Lauren, and had an understanding that this book was not just another self help book, it was from a place of someone who has been there and knows the true struggles, of how to be close to Jesus during difficult times. This helped to be able to open up to her and explore true feelings, guided by Jesus.
The book was really helpful and properly guided me through a journey of self discovery. At the beginning of this book was a tick box check list. But what I found interesting was the changes during the journey, as at the end the same check list had a different result from how I started out. I had developed a different perspective, to the changes…especially with some the same boxes I ticked, as it didn’t bother me as much as it had done in the beginning.
I wasn’t very good at doing some of the practices suggested at the end of each session, such as the meditation, as it is not within my personality and I struggle with memorising bible verses. But the bible verses in the book were apt for the journey I was taken on, especially when it came to fears and behaviours.
Having the author take me through this book was an honour… especially as I was not judged by her: nothing I said that would have been shock did not shocking to the author, again I could open up even more to her and go into personal details.
Recognising the thoughts feelings and behaviours triangle of CBT really helped me to notice the triggers of emotions. I was working through troubling behaviours such as habits that needed to be changed, I wanted to have the ability to dispel lies that the enemy was telling me about myself in order to renounce them. I noticed that I’m a critical judge jury and executioner of myself. I really felt relief handing those difficult emotions through the prayers we did.
My main aim was to have a closer understanding and relationship with God my Daddy…not just a head knowledge but a heart felt relationship…
Through this, I realised God does have a purpose for me. I need to be patient waiting upon Jesus.