Hopeless to healed is Lauren, the author & founder’s full testimony from physical & emotional hopelessness to being healed. Let this personal story encourage & strengthen the hope in you. Then at the end you have an opportunity to have your testimony published too.
I moved to a new school at fifteen, into year ten- the beginning of GCSE’s. It was tough as I didn’t have any friends and the school was more academic than what I was used to and I soon found out I wasn’t up to the standard I should have been at that time. We’d just moved house again too and I felt really alone. Though, at school, there was one girl who let me sit with her on the first day and we were instantly friends. As the term went on, I made a few other friends and it became more bearable. Then, it began, my body began fainting; I would just blackout, sometimes two to four times a week or two or more times a day, something was going on, but even the doctors didn’t know what was going on.
My mum taught me to meditate and one day she took me to a spiritualist church, she also did tarot card readings with me. One day we were in one of the shops in the Brighton lanes. I can’t remember what she wanted from there, but I remember seeing a beautiful purple velvet spell book, which I was instantly attracted to. Which she bought for me. In my bedroom, I set up a blanket on my chest of drawers, light candles and incense and tried out the spells in the book. At the time, I loved it, it was something I was in control of.
Back to school, apart from the first friend I met, the rest of the girls soon got fed up of me fainting, whether that was the reason, or something else, to this day, I don’t know, but suddenly they turned against me, they would call me names across the classroom or snigger at me in the hallways. It soon grained on me, along with my health and the exams piling up I felt really low. Then it came to half term and I was relieved. I thought I would try a specific spell, to get the girls to stop. When I returned to school, after a week I realised I hadn’t had any more trouble from them, I was amazed, really pleased with “my powers,” and most certainly relieved! I scraped through my exams and came out with five GCSEs, surprisingly!
In 2004, we were in a pub and an older gentleman approached our table, he was telling me things about myself he shouldn’t have known, he then began talking about witchcraft, he had his own coven and asked me to join, I was excited and took his number. Anyway, that night without my knowledge, my partner called our window cleaner, a Christian, (though my partner wasn’t a Christian himself) who came round quite quickly that evening, I learnt later. That night we spoke for ages, well, he spoke, I was quite defensive and pretty irritated by him! But in the middle of a video on creation, it felt like I had had a light bulb turn on inside me and I knew that I was sinful and that Jesus had died for me and I needed to repent and turn to him! I said the sinner’s prayer, with the guidance of the window cleaner, and immediately knew I had to get rid of my rune stones and spell books. After he’d left, I stayed awake until 3am, filled with the Holy Spirit and writing my first Christian poem.
In 2016 I began working for a local Christian charity, where we took services into care homes, I coordinated 52 teams in the local vicinity, organised events and led services and prayer meetings. I absolutely loved it!
The fainting had been on and off since I was 15, undergoing test after test at the hospital but with nothing concrete, it was always a bit of this or it might be that. The in between stages didn’t give quite enough time for me to take driving lessons (as had to be faint free for three years before getting into a car) but in 2018 I got my provisional licence, took lessons, passed my test and bought my first car just before Christmas, everything was finally falling into place, kids were happier, I was enjoying my job and now I was finally driving. My walk with God over the years just became better and better, He was my friend, my guide, my companion as well as my saviour. In the darker times he was my comforter and in the good times he was there with me.
I was studying mental health as part of the health and social care degree I studied with the Open University. Then during prayers one day God had put on my heart to raise awareness of mental health in Christians and to write on how to help Christians in improving their health and wellbeing, over the next year and a half I began making notes, I had notes on my laptop, in a notebook and on my phone, which I’d made as and when He prompted me.
Then in March 2019, just 3 months after passing my driving test, it happened again! One day, when driving home and I came over feeling spaced out and dizzy. I pulled up by the side of the road, ate a packet of crisps and sunk a bottle of water then made it home. As I was coming up the stairs to the flat with the shopping a neighbour stopped to chat and as we were the feeling came over me again and before I could do anything about it, I was unconscious on the floor, I kept waking and blacking out, waking and blacking out, and so an ambulance was called and I was taken to hospital, I spend a week on the cardiology ward. From being discharged I spent the next year fainting so regularly, I had to go on sick leave from work and was told by doctors and the DVLA not to drive. I had yet more tests done and, in the July, the cardiologist had given me a diagnosis, finally! It was Neurocardiogenic syncope (which is to do with low blood pressure, having bradycardia and occasionally irregular, heart rate and the signals from there to the brain not doing what it’s supposed to). But the words he said to me is what stuck, “There is no cure or treatment for it”. My heart sank, and I cried. A lot! This began the start of the depression again and soon I was on antidepressants and was referred for counselling and CBT. Not once did I think I would be healed.
I was stuck indoors, not being able to get out because of the syncope. My daughter was helping me whenever I had episodes and was cooking and cleaning. It was a dark time and I began self- harming. Looking back, I realised it was something I could be in control of, as everything else was totally out of my control, it was horrid, I couldn’t do anything to stop the fainting, I couldn’t help my daughter and I couldn’t do things a mum should be able to do, I missed driving them to school, parents’ evenings, I couldn’t do what mums are “supposed” to do and I hated it, everything was out of my control and that was the only thing that gave that to me. Though I was ashamed of it and hid it from everyone. I withdrew from family and friends, I wanted to be on my own and yet I felt so alone.
Days turned into weeks and weeks to months, eventually I became fed up of feeling the way I was. I wasn’t feeling particularly close to Jesus at the time, but started talking to Him again just small prayers like, “Help me Lord, I’m fed up with feeling like this.” Within a few weeks I began listening to some worship music again. Then another week or two later, a book from my large Christian collection, which I hadn’t touched for ages, jumped out at me, literally. What an eye opener it was; it spoke of how I was feeling, like it was written for me! It made me realise that I didn’t have to feel bad about how I was feeling but also helped to acknowledge and recognise what I was feeling, eliminate shame and improved my relationship with God, Wow! As the weeks went on, I carried on listening to worship music, prayed more and more and ploughed through the book. She explained that in order to receive healing we needed to break through denial, as David did.
I’d finally reached the point that that is what I wanted too. I was ready to accept my pain and difficulties and wanted release from it. At this realisation I literally cried out to God, bawling my eyes out, I was asking Him to release me and relieve me from the darkness.
Over the next week, I began to reach out to my family and a few close friends from church. I admitted self- harming to one friend and asked for prayer. There were a lot of tears, it was hard enough to admit that I had a problem myself, but saying it out loud was another thing! But she was supportive and prayerful.
Anyway, the day we were due to drive up to the site she asked if we wanted to go along to her church first before we left. I felt ready to go to church again.
After the service we went forward for prayer. I asked them to pray for the Neurocardiogenic syncope. As they prayed, I followed along and agreed in my heart. Then I felt I was going to fall, without a moment’s notice I was on the floor, but It wasn’t the usual, I wasn’t unconscious. I heard the lady going on to pray for any negative emotions I was experiencing; I hadn’t mentioned anything like that to her! When they’d finished, I felt such a sense of relief, peace and freedom, I just knew I was healed! In the weeks and months to come I realised the syncope hadn’t been healed but the toxic emotions definitely had! No more, did I feel that despair, lack of control or the darkness that I previously had. Thank you, Lord! Since then I’ve had circumstances, including the NCS episodes, that would have usually sent me to that mindset of despair, but the Lord has kept me strong and in His peace.
The Lord then asked me and guided me to write. Which began with blogging, right here. Then in 2021 published ‘Christian based Cognitive Behavioural Therapy.’
I asked a friend to be “a guinea pig” for CBCBT, she was an A + student and as a result came her testimony and another two people I went through the book with on zoom. Then during a prayer meeting I heard God say to me to work 1:1 with people, I didn’t know what this looked like and I began pushing at doors, then coaching came along and the door flung open wide! Around this time I saw an ad for this American couple who ran a Christian group coaching program, beginning with a free week’s challenge. I joined then took them on as my coaches. Along with my own personal growth and relationship with God, do the day, everything aligned, the scriptures I read in my Bible study and alone time with God, sermons I heard, and through the coaching programme- it all fit! I soon signed up to an Accredited coaching programme and added it to my website. I was still physically unwell with the NCS but the emotional side of things, i had been delivered and healed! And, most importantly my relationship with God was growing &. deepening. I loved spending time with Him and getting to know Him more and more. Through the coaching programme, I ended up creating and hosting my own summit based around Romans 12:2- ‘Be transformed’ by renewing your mind. (Next one in March, keep watch!) I had 9 speakers over 2 days. People signed up and it was incredible. A few months later my keynote speaker, who lived in Oklahoma, asked me if I would host an event with Him if He came over to London. I said I’d pray about it and let Him know. At this time I still couldn’t leave the flat on my own, and hadn’t for 3 and a half years. A month later I had a live interview. At the end of it the interviewer said that she could see me on a platform sharing my story and this message then the interview ended. I hadn’t mentioned anything to do with speaking to her and so I sent her a Whatsapp message asking why she said that. She responded with “God asked her to begin prophesying over her interviewees a few months ago and had given her the vision. Wow! The following day during prayer I felt God say to me to message the keynote speaker and say “yes” I would. I had no idea how it would happen. Then in November 2021, I was on a summit weekend with my coaches and I had a moment to share all this with them. I found myself saying “but I don’t know how this will even happen as I can’t even get out of my flat, but I trust God for healing.” It was the first time in 24 years I ever said this! Then the 270 people on the call prayed for me.
Over the next few months my health improved and the anxiety reduced. In January 2021, ‘Indestructible Faith- Prayers & Prompts for journaling’ was published. Then in February I began leaving the flat on my own again. I took a wheelchair with me and wore a thick winter hat, in case I had an episode. Then one day, I was getting on a bus across town to visit a friend. On the return journey another woman on the bus said to me “who’s the wheelchair for?” I replied “for me.” she then asked “what’s wrong with you?” I said “Neurocardiogenic Syncope” (tho at this time i hadn’t had an actual episode for 7 months) She then asked me if i was a christian. I said I was and she came over to me. She said “You know it’s finished, right? Jesus on the cross, he died for you and it’s finished, by His stripes you are healed, you don’t need that chair anymore, don’t look back, look forwards.” Then we prayed and she got off the bus!
I was totally blown away and since that day, I no longer take the wheelchair with me or wear the hat, the anxiety disappeared and I havn’t had an episode! Praise the Lord! He is our healer. He healed and broke those physical, emotional and spiritual chains that I had, over the years since that day of resubmitting and surrendering to Him, EVERY part of my life and building up my relationship up with Jesus.
‘Breaking Chains’ is also now published (not that it matters but, it actually became number 1 in 7 categories in September 2022, Praise the Lord!) It’s been an incredible journey and I continue to enjoy each and every day with Him, learning more about the Father, Son & Holy Spirit and His will.
I will be eternally grateful to the Lord and will speak & share this testimony too. For the glory of the Lord and to encourage, uplift & give hope to others.
If this story helped you in anyway please do share with others so they too can benefit.
Will look forward to hearing them and celebrating & praising the Lord together!